Sunday, January 27, 2008

Land Ho!

The decision to buy land is a big one. The land is currently undeveloped and I would later add a (likely modular) home to it. Although for me any extra expenditure is harsh, the price seems too good to pass up. I will have to forego promoting my book and will have to forego some things that I was looking forward to, such as a new computer. It is also likely that I will have to take on a second job. But this is a longtime dream. I will not be able to utilize the land instantly. The soonest I can anticipate a move is 5 years. I am not telling anyone I know about this. They would only try to dissuade me. I have to rely on my own counsel.
The land I'm buying is in one of the few untamed areas. It is desert. What??? Yes. Desert. I grew up in the Southwest. I've always wanted to go back. I've never felt at home in the state where I was born and have lived the past 32 years of my life. Because of the somewhat wild nature of the land, I choose the Animal Cards for divination. May the Gods and Goddesses and the spirits guide me.
Sloth represents the foundation of the matter. Sloth advises "consider the smallness of your needs and treasure what you possess." Perhaps I have in part gotten into the precarious financial position that I'm currently in because I've never felt like I had enough. As a child in New Mexico I loved our house and land although I utterly despised the huge cockroaches that would get into the house and I had trouble with the kids at school because my skin was the wrong color. (In this case being pasty white was not a good idea.)
Sloth says "squander neither love nor material things even if they are no longer new." I was discussing this earlier, about how some people ditch a relationship because it becomes comfortable. There are folks who have to have constant newness. It's a good warning to anybody. While I have long wanted to leave my current environment, I need to consider the positives of it while I need remain here.
Crocodile represents the immedate past. Crocodile advises that "the alchemy of energy teaches that death will always yield new life." I have long felt I was holding onto a situation I have outgrown due to fear. I can never escape my past while I remain in my present circumstance. In order to truly become myself I must allow the past (way back to my youth) to be left behind.
The present position is represented by Wild Horse. Wild Horse advises: "seek your passion aloud and defend those whom you love in word and deed."
Which is the purpose of the book I wrote. I wanted to defend someone who is in a position where it is difficult to defend himself, or to let others know the truth about him, and also to give voice to a group of people whose voice is often supressed--the mentally ill. To let the world know that our voice isn't just so much twaddle, that we are not stupid, that we are just as valuable as anyone else. And to educate about the many misconceptions regarding persons with mental illness. I still wish to do this. I still believe it is noble. But it has been a fuckload harder to find an audience than I first thought. So far I've preached to the choir. And the choir in this case is pretty damn small. It's frustrating. And I sometimes wonder why the Universe gives me these tasks and then leaves me to flounder.
Wild Boar represents the positive aspects I bring to the situation. He advises that "whatever tradition or others expect of you, only to yourself be true."
In other words, being pig-headed can actually be a positive thing and I should continue to do so.
The external factors working in my favor are represented by the Tortoise. The Tortoise advises that " when changes are made or the sake of change itself, resist."
Tortoise advises "be true to your way of living, your partner and your creativity lest you destroy something more wonderful than you know." She advises "constructing a mental carapice to protect yourself from the unjutified criticisms of others."
Just so--I'm dogged, determined, and loyal until someone takes a crap on me. In this case I need to be not only sensible but true to myself. Instead of quitting my job and flying off across the country, I'm purchasing something I won't be able to use till future times but something I've dreamed of for a long time. I'm actually doing something for myself rather than for the naysayers for a change.
My own negative input is represented by Panda. Panda advises me to "enjoy the sanctuary of solitude to regain self-esteem and tranquility." In other words, seeking the advice of others in this case is definitely wrong, wrong, wrong. I always question my own judgment. I depend too much on the approval of others. I need to be true to mine own self.
The external influences working against me are represented by Water Buffalo. Water Buffalo advises me to "face life head-on with courage and reclaim the brave spirit within you."
The fact that I seem totally unable to do this definitely works against me.
Further, Water Buffalo advises that "tragedy and failure are intrinsic to living but sometimes we are cowed by events, unable to move forward.
I am still crippled by the past. Mighty Buffalo advises that the brave spirit that drives me to unusual pursuits is waiting to be reclaimed and that I should "take your courage in both hands and dare to be."
In other words, stop hiding and being cowed by others. That is definitely working against me.
The immediate future is represented by the Red Squirrel, who advises me to "gather your resources now, for they will sustain you through the coming change."
This is a fortuitous card to receive in this position and for a question such as this. Instead of squandering my tax return on partying, I can go a long way to purchasing this parcel of land for my future. I am thinking of my future and I need to believe in what I want and do what I've gotta do. The perks can wait.
The ultimate future is represented by Bee. Bee advises that "hard work is rewarded with responsibility and a sweetness that is shared."
This too is a fortuitous card in the given position--I just love when a reading is this clear-cut! Seldom have I received signs that were more of a green light. I will have to work hard it is true but I am working for a future, to have a place not only for myself but for my family in the future. When my son has a family it will be a place they can come and even call home. Not the transient feeling of a trailer park, but a real home. It will be a modular home, but it will be on a foundation. I can get back to the land as I have long wanted to. Have some hens around to lay eggs which I can use and maybe even sell a few. Not that this is a way to get rich, but just a thought. I will have to work for it--the ultimate dream will not be realized for years. But this is a way to start. And I will do it immediately when my next paycheck comes in.
I thank the deities and spirits for their assistance and ask them to bless me in this venture.

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