Sunday, May 4, 2008

May Reading

I used the Wisdom of Avalon oracle and a Celtic Cross spread. This reading is for myself.
The card of the present position is the Raven. The raven's attributes are magic, synchronistic events, and coincidence. I have been feeling much doubt about magic of late and this card is a reminder to seek it and to work on my own mystical development, which I often allow to slide in favor of earthly concerns. It is a reminder that magic effects the earthly.
This card is crossed by Love. It is a reminder to be more connected to other beings. I often feel quite alone. I need to open my heart. Not to romantic love, but to the love of all things. The romantic love situation in my case is closed by choice and without regret. It is difficult to explain and the reasons are personal but they include preferring to develop spiritually and psychically, and romantic entanglement is a distraction and has never been a good one. As well, my mental illness makes it a different proposition from what it would be for most people. There are other reasons but they would be difficult to describe.
The crowd in the Goal or Destiny position is the Novice. I am going back to school in the fall for nursing. It isn't my favorite idea and if something else I am doing comes to fruition, I'll drop it like it's hot. Some people want to be nurses. I do not. For me, it's the fact that I'm already in the medical profession and nurses make more money and have more opportunities than technicians. The people who want to be nurses make good nurses. I'll make an ok nurse.
Also I am a novice in the promotion game. Trying to promote my book has been a real headache and I intend to pass on whatever knowledge I get to others.
The card in the distant past position is letting go. I need to let go of my old dream of being adulated. As a not very popular young girl, I daydreamed of being a beautiful and famous actress. I loved watching the show Three's Company, and wanted to be like Suzanne Sommers. I have encountered the late John Ritter, and he is a wonderful person who gave me some very useful advice that I would do well to recall right now. If you would like to read about this visitation, please click here.
My desire to work in the creative arts is not what needs to die for if it did, my soul would die. This is my true calling. Not nursing, not anything else. But the need to be adulated, to be seen as stunningly beautiful, to be POPULAR (which I was anything but) needs to be laid to rest. The desire to be accepted by people from 30 years in the past needs to be laid to rest. The need for acceptance needs to be laid to rest. I need to now do things my way.
The card in the recent past position is restriction. I'll tell you what's causing the restriction: lack of M-O-N-E-Y! I haven't been able to send out books for review on schedule because purchasing author's copies costs $65 per 5 books! That may not sound like a lot, but when you consider that I make $700 every 2 weeks, well...
The only thing to be do is to be patient and ask the Powers that Be to show me the way. And to trust them. My parents always laid "God" on me pretty thick. But they never trusted God or anything else and are very unhappy. So it always rung false.
Another thing I need to let go of is the idea that the church-god is the "true" god and those of us who don't buy in to the church doctrine are going to burn in hell. I've let go of it logically but let me tell y'all that a little fire and brimstone goes a long way to cauterizing your ability to be unafraid! I still have nightmares.
The card of future influence is Death. Like the Death card in the Tarot deck, this card rarely portends physical death. It is the end of something very important. What is coming to an end four days from now is my son's childhood. He will be 18. What is coming to an end an month and two days from now is his schooling. He will be graduating. I will no longer be driving him to school and picking him up 5 days a week. I will be driving him 350 miles away at the end of August, leaving him at his college, and picking him up at the airport on December 19. I will be taking him back to the airport early in January to return him to school. As a whole, this change is good. My son is celebrating. I am secretly grieving. There is so much I wish I could do better for my little boy who is now a man. Fuck me--I'm glad anyone reading this can't see me cry. The stress of this grief I hate and want to tear from myself is making me a very sick woman lately. My dear friend, the wonderful friend who wrote the book with me comes to my side and tries to comfort me and his efforts mean a lot. But he can't take the sorrow from the core of me. Still he does soothe it as I helped him ease the pain of the action he took 17 years ago but cannot take the remorse from the core of him. We can only support each other.
The card of current influence is birth and rebirth. This is the phoenix rising from the ashes of Death. Things are not dead, they are transforming. It is a matter of coming to peace with it and to allow the good things to continue growing.
The current environment indicates Wealth. Well, how about a big neon sign pointing me to mine??? But the wealth is not only money it is also personal achievement.
I have a problem with money. In a past life I was a wealthy person who lost that which was most precious to her, and that was not money. This life had a miserable and horrific end. As a Christian I was taught that money is evil. In this life as a Christian I was taught the same thing. My parents told me the Robert Bloch story "The Monkey's Paw" in order to illustrate that wishing for money would bring disaster and that God would punish those who wish for money. Since then I have been terrified of wishing for money, even when I desperately need it. I have begun praying to Lord Ganesha instead for blessed abundance. Lord Ganesha is benevolent and would not pull a dirty trick on someone such as giving them money through the loss of a loved one. If he feels a person is being greedy, he will simply not grant their wish. If he feels they are being reprehensible enough to warrant a punishment, it will be a punishment in kind, i.e. loss of money, but never punishment by granting money at too high a price. He is not a trickster and not malevolent. This is the only way I feel comfortable asking for increase.
The hopes and fears position is represented by the Wasp. The wasp is a harbinger of jealousy and mean-spirited thoughts. There is a part of me that fears that if I succeed I will lose others, that they will become resentful towards me. Yes, those who really love you would never do that, yada yada. But the fear is there nonetheless and needs to be worked on.
The card of final outcome is the Bee. The bee is a fortunate card. It indicates that hard work will bring benefit. This isn't only work as in for a paycheck work. The advice is to be persistent in those things that have real meaning and your efforts will bring fruition. So I will continue to pursue that which has meaning to me and it will pay off in many ways.

If you are interested in obtaining a reading, please click here.

Blessed be.

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