This is my amazing, 100% true prediction of what will happen to Dick Cheney when he leaves the white house.
Upon leaving the White House, Dick Cheney decided to go hunting up in the Arctic wilderness. On his first day out, he saw a small black bear, which he proceeded to shoot. He felt something tapping on his shoulder and he turned to see a large brown bear glaring at him.
"You know, Dick, that wasn't very nice," the brown bear said. "And to punish you, I'm going to have rough sex with you."
After the bear was done, Cheney staggered back to his cabin and rested up for a month. Then he went back out, found the brown bear who had ravaged him, and shot it. A moment later, he felt something tapping him on the shoulder. He turned to see a huge grizzly bear glaring at him.
"You know, Dick, that wasn't very nice," the grizzly bear said. "And for that, I'm going to have brutal sex with you."
When the bear was through, Cheney crawled back to his cabin, where he recuperated for six months. He then went back out into the woods to find the grizzly bear and proceeded to shoot it. A moment later there was a tapping on his shoulder, and he turned to see a gargantuan polar bear staring at him.
"Admit it, Dick," the polar bear said. "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"